Lucie Votypkova

It was the school’s stable and the director of the school accepted us warmly, but the girls in the stable were mean. They had already been assigned to each horse and did not want any other girls to be there. They wanted to get rid of us by giving us all the hard work and not allowing us to ride. But we were just happy for anything that included the horses in general. Punishment in the form of grooming a muddy horse was like paradise for us because we would have an excuse to groom him longer. I loved grooming horses, it is still my favorite activity.

Soon we realized that horses did not share the same joy of grooming that we did. Some horses, especially the older ones, were not happy about it. They pinned their ears and some of them even tried to bite. That was the time I got the advice, “Stand still and be dominant, ignore what the horse does and continue doing the task,” for the first time. I was given the explanation that the horse was testing me. I did not understand why he would have tested me. Up until then, I thought grooming was pure joy for animals.

The school’s stable provided boarding for owners of horses who are willing to pay. A new horse came to be boarded. His name was Sohaj. He was a heavy draft horse. His owner did not have time for him and when he saw how we were spontaneously taking care of him with such happiness, he offered that if we took good care of Sohaj, he’d let us sit on him in the evening. It was like we were in heaven. Sohaj did not seem to dislike grooming, he was quite nice to us. We groomed him several times a day, cleaning his box with precision and giving him extra bedding when nobody checked us.

Sohaj’s owner did not come often but he kept his word. We did not have any experience and the owner just enclosed us in a pasture alone with Sohaj, so we improvised. One would sit on Sohaj and another one would “lead” him. We did not know how to ride, lead or use a bridle so when we tried to copy what we saw – to control with reins – we got quite a clear response that Sohaj did not like it. 

Sometimes he just shook his head until we let the reins go completely. We assumed that he did not like it and we respected him. We found our ways to make him do what we wanted, usually attracting him with grass, but mostly we were sitting on a grazing horse. 

The girls from the stables stopped by sometimes and laughed at us and told us it was not how horses should be ridden. We did not care, we were perfectly happy sitting on him and looking at the world from his back. We had zero desire to make him obey or control him, zero fear that he could hurt us. 

Soon enough the trainer found out we were riding a horse without any supervision and forbade the owner to let us be with the horse alone. That ended our time riding Sohaj, but still we had a great time grooming him all day. 

The other horse, Metty – the mother of Meadow – was not a happy horse. She obviously did not like people. When we sneaked into the pasture and played with Meadow we always had a strange feeling that we should not follow Meadow to her mum. Seeing how she was aggressive toward any human made us realize what good intuition we had and that we could have been in trouble if we had not listened to it. 

The trainer did not allow us to go near Metty. Especially after the incident when she almost killed a girl who was taking care of her. Unfortunately the girl ended up disabled after Metty kicked her in the head. That caused boarding horses to not be allowed anymore and Sohaj had to go away as well as the trainer’s horse. The trainer decided to leave because of it. It gave us an opportunity to ride because a new trainer came and was not well accepted by the other girls, so she gave a little time to us. Unfortunately I was not happy about it either. The more I learned about riding the more I doubted it was what I wanted.

We left the stable when we got an opportunity to care for the horse, Nicolas, together with another girl who we got to know through Sohaj’s owner. Unfortunately horses were the only thing we had in common with the girl and it did not work out. We visisted the stable where Nicolas was boarded. 

We were assigned to take care of two young horses, Galan and Ken. Galan was like no horse I’d known before. He licked me while I groomed him. He was 3 years old and not ridden because the owner didn’t have enough riders at the  time. I finally had the feeling that some horse enjoyed my touch or at least I believed it.

The stable was earning money from training young horses and then selling them for a lot of money. Galan was bought as a 2 years old for cheap. Soon they found a rider and started training him. I experienced how this nice horse changed. They had no mercy for him. 

Despite almost no riding experience, in a few days he was forced to jump. He was beaten by his rider for refusing to jump every day and every day forced to work until he jumped what they required. He returned to the box fully covered in sweat and often I found him resting on the ground from exhaustion. I gave him kisses and pet him, groomed him and told him how I liked him and if I could I would have bought him and not let anybody hurt him. 

The girl who rode him came one day with an order to stop kissing and petting Galan. She said the reason why she had such a hard time with him was that he was a spoiled brat and I was the one who was spoiling him by never ending grooming, kissing, petting and going for walks where I let him do what he wanted. 

I was shocked and started to do it in secret when she was not there. When he finally started submitting they offered him for sale. Then I fully realized how disgusting this business is. There is no place for genuine love there. I stopped visiting stables and stopped being associated with horses at all. I realized in the horseman’s world, the system sees horses as objects more than living beings, no matter what noble words they choose to call it. I decided to be with horses again when I was able to afford my own horse. And I would love him, spoil him and never let anybody hurt him.

Years have passed since then. I grew up, went to university and missed horses in my life. During my studies I realized that the city has a shelter for horses and decided to start helping there. I thought these horses would be unridden and just living careless lives. But still people tried to earn money with them as much as possible to support the shelter. 

It seemed noble and right from some point of view, to  make some horses earn money to save other horses. It sounded better than filling the pockets of people in the equestrian business. So I started to learn how to ride and help others to learn riding for money donated to the shelter. 

Soon enough I was deep into dominant horsemanship and I started to be less and less different from the girls I had hated before. By that time I had stopped believing I was helping horses this way, by giving them the possibility to survive but no possibility to have joy in their lives. I returned back to the idea that I really wanted to have my own horse. 

I had started to work in a software company during my studies and had enough income and savings to afford horse boarding in a nearby stable. I decided to buy my horse and work with a trainer of Natural Horsemanship because I believed their story about developing relationships with horses based on knowledge and copying their behavior. They said that all failures are caused by bad horsekeeping and misunderstanding horse behavior. I believed that this was the way to give a horse a happy life. 

Then I met Maaike, a beautiful Friesian. She was not the horse that I wanted to buy. I wanted a common horse without any pedigree, no expensive breed. And I wanted a gelding. Well I fell in love with a Friesian mare when I visited a friend of my Natural Horsemanship trainer. In a few days she was standing in the stable and I could watch her for hours in silent awe at how beautiful she was. I could not believe she was my horse.

Maaike was a well behaved horse. She did everything that I wanted under the Natural Horsemanship trainer’s supervision. While I was able to ride in an arena with only a neck rope, have a nice bitless ride in a forest and horse easy to care for, the promised relationship which I was dreaming about did not develop, neither did a happy horse. 

From time to time she showed some resistance to me when the trainer was not around so I believed that it was because I was not as dominant as my trainer was. I cried many times and tried to hide my true nature, because I was not a dominant person at all. It felt so wrong to me, but I believed there was no other way. I was unhappy that my whole relationship with Maaike was about who is the leader here and about pressure. 

Then I watched a few videos of Alexander Nevzorov. He looked to me like another Natural Horsemanship showman. But then I accidentally found his video where he refused to use bits and any other tools and declared that he never punished the horse. I did not believe the part about not punishing and free will because that was what every horseman said to me but it was only while my horse did not resist. When the horse resisted, they punished them no matter what noble name they called it – communication, leadership, discipline. 

For some reason I could not forget about Nevzorov and spoke with my trainer about him and said that I had the feeling that Maaike was not happy and neither was I. She sent me a video with him and his horse Kaogi. She showed me how Kaogi “attacks” him and said that his method is dangerous. Well it seemed this way but what caught my attention was that Alexander did not hit him back. He did not punish him. He seemed like a man who meant what he said. 

I started to gather information about him. I did not understand his fight against equestrian sport and not riding at the beginning, but he seemed to have what I desired the most – a real relationship free of punishment. A real joy, not something faked. And I wanted it. 

I reminded myself of my promise that I would have my own horse who would be spoiled and loved, and protect him from any harm. I realized how far I had gotten from what I wanted and what brought me to horses. On that journey I’d been on since childhood, all I had was a pile of trash – things I did not want in the first place.

I did not come to the horse for that. I did not come with ambitions, it was indoctrinated into me by the equestrian world around me. I believe that every story of any horseman begins the same way as mine, with the purity of love which wants nothing more than to touch the coat and engage. 

Despite the great impression Alexander Nevzorov gave, I was still quite hesitant. I agreed with everything except not riding. It seemed extreme and shocking. Nobody ever said anything about the harm of riding. But I decided that to stop riding for a short time couldn’t do any harm. Although not riding was logical to me because I knew that Maaike did not consent because she loved it. I still had enough self honesty to know it and did not lie to myself that no resistance is the same as love. 

I could not imagine that riding her and giving up all the punishments, dominance, and bridles would be safe yet I believe that if somebody is willing to teach you and does not require you do anything harmful, the least thing you can do is respect his conditions.

The world was never the same as before. It is a beautiful and long story I’ve had now with Maaike and a full diary of my mistakes and struggles which were respectfully addressed by students and representatives in Nevzorov Haute Ecole school. 

My desire to ride left me quickly. I realized how damaging it is for the horse and I realized that it was some pedestal of the highest connection and fun way to be with horses imprinted into me by horsemen rather than something I really wanted and could not live without. 

During the time in the school I did not achieve all those fancy moves. On my way I found out the painful truth about Maaike’s hind leg injury which did not allow any high performance. But what I achieved was finding myself and the love of my horse. I did not have to hide myself and my huge love and desire to pamper Maaike. I realized that I was doing much better as a little girl than under the classical horsemen’s advice. 

All those rides in the forest, riding with neck rope in the arena, doing tricks were worthless in comparison with Maaike’s love, health and happiness. I am not sure whether I have a relationship with her which other horsemen consider as ideal or admirable, but I know I have the relationship with her I desired. 

I will always be endlessly thankful to Alexander and Lydia for creating the school, sharing their knowledge, not being afraid to call things what they are and giving people the opportunity to be with horses in a different way. All the friends I got to know in the school who helped me with my struggles, and one brave Friesian mare who did not give me another choice. Despite being an obedient horse, she never stopped whispering her opposition to wake me up from the illusions and my projections and never let me misunderstand what true love looks like.