This is such an important topic for those of us who want to become more effective advocates for the horses. You are right, we cannot fall into the trap of “us” vs. “them” energy. It will never lead us where we want to go. If horses have taught me anything, it’s this truth. Horses rarely turn against one another (or us), no matter how misguided, confused or out of line we are. They do protect their own boundaries when necessary, but they do not punish, shame or try to manipulate others. They may offer tough love on rare occasions to those who are already trusted herd mates, but always with an open invitation to reconnect in a healthier way and heal. We must be as committed to advocating for the human species as we are to advocating for the equine species. Our two species are now so intricately intertwined that we cannot create a better internal or external world for one without making it a priority to also do so for the other. I beat my head against this wall of frustration for a long time until I realized that humans make seemingly incongruent choices with horses for one reason: because our own lived experiences with other humans rarely allow us to feel safe being congruent — in any area of life. Like all communal animals, humans just want to feel safe (physically and emotionally). Like horses, our core instinct is to move toward the closest community of our own species to find feelings of safety. Going against the grain is never easy. And it’s even harder when we feel responsible for the wellbeing of an animal we know in our hearts is so far advanced that we will never be worthy. Yet the pressure coming from everywhere is to BE WORTHY. So we look to others in our immediate community to tell or show us how to APPEAR worthy of our horses. How to convince ourselves we’re doing “right” by them. Horse owners just want to believe we’re doing the right thing, and if the “right” thing feels impossible (for whatever reason), then we’ll look for permission to do it wrong. To be imperfect. To do what everyone else is doing because “we’re all in it together”. The psychology of this desire to feel safe is so powerful. As horse advocates we should not try to tear other humans down for their choices and behaviors, especially while there are so many others who will come to their defense. Instead we need to focus our energy on creating spaces and communities that feel SO SAFE and accessible that more of these vulnerable humans will be drawn to the light we offer, and we need to help nurture pockets of “safety” in every city, state, region and country so that doing the “right” thing becomes easy and does not require horse owners to feel ostracized and alone in their local communities. I’ve learned the hard way myself that the more I can focus on finding a place of pure empathy in my heart, not just for horses but also for humans and our own struggles to feel safe in community (including the horse industry), the better able I am to shine my own light in a congruent way. We don’t have to agree with what someone is doing or saying to love them, or to recognize that fear and pain are motivating their choices. My goal now is to be a lighthouse. I try to speak my truth mostly with love in my heart (for people and horses). Those who are drawn to my light are welcome and provided a safe port in the storm. Those who are still committed to riding the turbulent seas are free to do so. But I’ll still be here, shining my light as bright as I can in all directions, without apology. Waiting for the next lost ship seeking safety in the storm…
Thank you Kim! This analysis deeply touched me and made a lot of unconscious things more clear inside me, giving also more sense to my being in this comunity!
This is such an important topic for those of us who want to become more effective advocates for the horses. You are right, we cannot fall into the trap of “us” vs. “them” energy. It will never lead us where we want to go. If horses have taught me anything, it’s this truth. Horses rarely turn against one another (or us), no matter how misguided, confused or out of line we are. They do protect their own boundaries when necessary, but they do not punish, shame or try to manipulate others. They may offer tough love on rare occasions to those who are already trusted herd mates, but always with an open invitation to reconnect in a healthier way and heal. We must be as committed to advocating for the human species as we are to advocating for the equine species. Our two species are now so intricately intertwined that we cannot create a better internal or external world for one without making it a priority to also do so for the other. I beat my head against this wall of frustration for a long time until I realized that humans make seemingly incongruent choices with horses for one reason: because our own lived experiences with other humans rarely allow us to feel safe being congruent — in any area of life. Like all communal animals, humans just want to feel safe (physically and emotionally). Like horses, our core instinct is to move toward the closest community of our own species to find feelings of safety. Going against the grain is never easy. And it’s even harder when we feel responsible for the wellbeing of an animal we know in our hearts is so far advanced that we will never be worthy. Yet the pressure coming from everywhere is to BE WORTHY. So we look to others in our immediate community to tell or show us how to APPEAR worthy of our horses. How to convince ourselves we’re doing “right” by them. Horse owners just want to believe we’re doing the right thing, and if the “right” thing feels impossible (for whatever reason), then we’ll look for permission to do it wrong. To be imperfect. To do what everyone else is doing because “we’re all in it together”. The psychology of this desire to feel safe is so powerful. As horse advocates we should not try to tear other humans down for their choices and behaviors, especially while there are so many others who will come to their defense. Instead we need to focus our energy on creating spaces and communities that feel SO SAFE and accessible that more of these vulnerable humans will be drawn to the light we offer, and we need to help nurture pockets of “safety” in every city, state, region and country so that doing the “right” thing becomes easy and does not require horse owners to feel ostracized and alone in their local communities. I’ve learned the hard way myself that the more I can focus on finding a place of pure empathy in my heart, not just for horses but also for humans and our own struggles to feel safe in community (including the horse industry), the better able I am to shine my own light in a congruent way. We don’t have to agree with what someone is doing or saying to love them, or to recognize that fear and pain are motivating their choices. My goal now is to be a lighthouse. I try to speak my truth mostly with love in my heart (for people and horses). Those who are drawn to my light are welcome and provided a safe port in the storm. Those who are still committed to riding the turbulent seas are free to do so. But I’ll still be here, shining my light as bright as I can in all directions, without apology. Waiting for the next lost ship seeking safety in the storm…
Thank you Kim! This analysis deeply touched me and made a lot of unconscious things more clear inside me, giving also more sense to my being in this comunity!